


schrodinger was wrong

by rokutouxei



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mental Instability, SAERAN HAS A TRASHMOUTH, all lowercase, but lots of twin love, happy birthday choiboys!, i swear.. i swear this is fluff, if y'all not into that, mostly saeran centric!, semi-stream of consciousness, warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rokutouxei/pseuds/rokutouxei
Summary: schrodinger's cat is in a plane of existence where it exists and it doesn't exist. sometimes saeran feels the same. but it's his birthday today, and saeyoung and mc are going to be damned if they don't find a way to make saeran feel okay.





	schrodinger was wrong

**Author's Note:**

> [[read this on tumblr]](http://rokutouxei.tumblr.com/post/161685333157/schrodinger-was-wrong)
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> \- mc is referred to as 'she' for the entire fic; i didn't want to name her. she's the only 'she'. hope that's not confusing.
> 
> !! WARNINGS !!  
> \- spoilers for secret 1 and 2  
> \- saeran has a trash mouth  
> \- saeran gets a lot of intrusive thoughts.

it is already past 10:30am when saeran rises from bed. his brain feels foggy; he’s overslept again, a bad habit slowly making itself into a pattern. there’s a dull hammering headache he knows will worsen down the day. saeran scratches his scalp before throwing on a shirt lying on the floor. then he turns to go out the door.

he hears the couple bicker lightly in the kitchen; he can hear their voices rumbling through the bunker walls.

“we’re doing a thought experiment.”

“we’re _not_ doing a thought experiment, saeyoung.”

“everything is a thought experiment, if you _think_ about it hard enough~” the man sing songs. saeran sighs. “look at it this way. the waffles aren’t burnt until we look at them. so right now, i have perfectly cooked waffles.”

“schrodinger,” she says. she’s always been able to keep up with him; a feat that may as well be worth a world record. “and the moment i open them, they become the charred pieces of flour that they actually are.”

“yep!” saeyoung says triumphantly. “that’s how the schrodinger’s cat theory works~”

“i’m pretty sure it isn’t, babe,” she sighs. just that small gesture is enough to make saeyoung light up like a bulb. there’s a warm radiating comfort that comes out of her that soothes his twin; saeran feels a sharp icy pang in his chest at the thought.

but before he can react, saeyoung has whirled around to face him. _fuck,_ saeran sighs. why is his brother wearing that stupid pair of party glasses. the one with the big nose and the weird eyebrows. “oho, our birthday boy saeran is awake!” he gladly announces, and she turns around to smile at saeran.

“we’re twins,” saeran deadpans. “it’s your birthday too.”

“hmm?? what? can’t hear you~” saeyoung laughs.

“good morning,” she greets him, softly. sometimes, it’s been two years, but the quietness of her voice whenever she talks to him still shakes him. despite everything he’s done. despite everything he’s done to her.

“saeran,” she calls again, shaking him out of his reverie. she’s patient with him in a way he’s never experienced from anyone else. “slept well?”

saeran only shakes his head, before making his way through the living room to the kitchen. “yoosung wouldn’t let me sleep last night,” he admits. “with that game—lolol.” he doesn’t feel like lying about it today.

“oho?” saeyoung quips with a grin; to which saeran frowns deeply at him. saeyoung and she chuckle at the response. saeran grumbles as he takes a seat on the table. the two continue to busy themselves by the cupboards.

she dumps the burnt waffles into the trash bin smoothly before sliding a plate of sliced apples on the table, to saeran. “you must be hungry, but saeyoung sort of foiled my breakfast plans.”

saeran mumbles thanks before taking a piece of the apple. it’s sweet; much sweeter than he expected. he relishes in the sound it makes when he bites. it drowns out everything else in his mind.

taking away his attention from the mortar and pestle, saeyoung pouts. “i didn’t _foil_ the breakfast plans,” saeran hears his brother say. “ _you_ opened the oven. _you_ spoiled the breakfast.”

“don’t use schrodinger against me, you dingus.”

saeran doesn’t need to crane his neck too much to see that saeyoung is crushing a pill into powder; before slipping it into his younger brother’s drink. they weren’t really keeping this a secret to him, but they haven’t really talked about it yet. saeran feels like he doesn’t need to know. he lets them do it. he just wants to feel better. jumin has a doctor come twice a month, talks to saeran while saeyoung and his fiancée sit next to him. saeran feels safer that way.

 saeran accepts the medicine without question, as saeyoung whirls around with the glass of orange juice.

“wouldn’t have thought yoosung would get you hooked on that game,” saeyoung says. “can’t believe he’s a vet now and he still plays that stuff.”

“you still play that stuff,” she teases.

“yoosung’s good at it,” saeran offhandedly notes.

“he better be,” she laughs. “he’s been playing that game for years!”

saeyoung grins. “go beat his ass. he’s spent enough time on that, his little heart will break if a newbie like you will throw him off. doubt you’ll be able to beat me though.”

there’s a glint of competition in saeran’s eyes. “is that a challenge?”

“‘course it is,” saeyoung says, smirking.

saeran drinks the entire cup in one swig. she gives him a tiny round of applause. saeyoung grins before he takes the glass back and puts it on the sink.

there’s that comfortable, homely quiet that the three of them have long gotten used to. saeran likes it better like this. he crunches on the apples without much of a word, timing his breath to the low whirr of the dishwasher. saeyoung turns to him like he’s saying something, but saeran doesn’t feel like listening; his brother turns around dejectedly. he hears her chuckling laughter. saeran feels like an intruder sometimes. he’s down to the second to the last slice when his brother presses a kiss against her cheek, before hopping off to their bedroom, humming a song.

saeran has gotten used to being alone with her. she’s taken up a major role as his caretaker in the past two years; being a personal nurse when he is sick; keeping him mute company when he needs presence but not a breaking of silence. he can hear her humming ‘happy birthday’ under her breath as she unties the apron from around her neck, to hang it by the wall.

she smiles at him when she takes the empty plate once filled with apples. he reaches out and taps three fingers against the back of her hand. now, her touch doesn’t make her flinch. she used to be afraid of him.

“what are we doing today,” saeran says. it doesn’t sound that much like a question; more like a confirmation of something he already knows. he listens to the lilt of his voice, does his best to not sound deflated.

she smiles again, although smaller this time, more regretful. she scratches the back of her neck slightly, before leaning her frame against the table gently. “we invited the rfa over—just like last year—but it seems today just wasn’t the day for it,” she explains.

she looks off in the distance sadly; like she’s watched a long-planned thing turn to dust. he taps her hand again, to get her to explain more.

“oh, well uh,” she begins; but cannot continue without letting the sigh get out of her mouth first. “well, jumin’s on a business trip, and jaehee’s working on settling a deal with another company, so they’re out.” she counts them off with her fingers. “last night yoosung called and said he has to do an emergency operation today, so he’s out as well.” she bites her lip; saeran wonders if she’s about to cry. why? it wasn’t _her_ birthday, it was his, it was saeyoung’s, and—“zen has a shoot and is out of town, he was supposed to be back yesterday but the weather was bad, so…”

saeran shrugs. “it’s no big deal.” he wants to comfort her but these are the only words he has.

“and then saeyoung had to foil my breakfast plans… i’m sorry, can your birthday get any worse than this?”

there’s a little click at the back of saeran’s brain; he wants to tell her he’s never had a birthday before. wants to tell her the world could end today and this would still probably be the better birthday in his entire life. he’d only celebrated it last year, when they’d all invited the rfa over and took that photo that hangs above the sofa in the living room. he’s never found a reason to celebrate the day he was brought into this godforsaken world. if she and saeyoung had not found him at that point, in mint eye, saeran would not have existed. just unknown, just magenta, just tattoo and white hair and mint-green eyes. he wants to glance at the photo from last year, but he already knows how he looks like there, he looked so miserable then, and part of saeran wants to knock that photo in, break the glass frame and watch the blood seep down his fist, want to scratch his face out of the photo, wants to stop being the reason why they—

“i have a headache,” saeran slurs out. he can’t hear over the drumming sound in his head but he hopes he said it clear enough for her to understand. he digs his nails against the back of her hand; relies on the wordless signals to get her to get him a glass of water and to count slowly from ten to one. he can’t remember when but she’s surely gotten him to take a painkiller at some point because he feels his headache ebbing away like waves.

when he comes to, she’s holding his hand so gently as if it might break. he wonders how fragile he looks.

“i’m sorry,” she says; as if it was something she should apologize for, something she could have controlled. she pours him another glass of water, keeping him in the corner of her eye to make sure he’s alright. “can i make up to you?”

he wants to say nothing’s wrong, wants to tell her she doesn’t owe him anything, wants to say he’s okay, wants to lie through his teeth. wants to save her somehow. but he can’t tell her those words now; not when she’s already down enough as it is. so he settles with something else.

“mint ice cream,” he mumbles. “and dark chocolate.”

she beams at the words. “so you _did_ hear saeyoung,” she snorts. had his brother been asking him what he wanted them to buy?  “don’t tease him like that, he thinks you’re purposefully hating on him.”

“i _am,_ ” saeran clarifies with a smirk. she answers with a laugh and he wonders if he’s caused that laugh, if he can bring light to people’s lives after all.

“i’ll go get ready to buy food for your party. tell us if there’s anything else you want, okay?” she says. he replies with a nod. she’s about to leave the kitchen when she stops abruptly; turns back to saeran on the counter, and leans on her elbows to look at him, eye-to-eye.

she’s acknowledged by a low, noncommittal grunt.

 “saeran,” she starts; she’s looking at him like asking for permission. he tentatively nods, appreciating her respect for his space. she taps his nose with her pointer finger, then ruffles his bright red hair. “happy birthday,” she says. “we’ll open presents later, okay?”

saeran nods; the smile on her face is contagious, so it reflects on his. smiles still look awkward on his face; or at least it feels like so. he still thinks such an expression doesn’t belong on him. but he tries, and his try must have been successful, as it makes her giggle even more. this catches his brother’s attention.

“saerannn, she’s mine!” saeyoung teases. he peers from the shared bedroom, with his hair is still damp from the shower, and the water drips on his classic red shirt. not that the older twin didn’t give a damn; saeyoung hops right over to the two of them, wrapping his hands around his fiancee’s waist, and then gently biting her shoulder. she smacks his head with her hand.

“cold! what did i tell you about drying your hair first, you metrosexual dildo!”

“that’s new,” saeran chuckles. “you’re getting creative.”

 “does my hair come first to protecting my princess from my number one rival?” saeyoung retorts, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

saeran grimaces. jokingly; and they all know. “after you’ve gotten your filthy hands all over her? no thank you.”

the three of them share a round of laughter before saeyoung lets go of her. that homely quiet surrounds them again like a blanket. if it were possible saeran would snuggle in it as tightly as he can. but now’s not the time for it. saeran stands up from his seat; tells them he’ll be recovering from his headache for the meantime.

“we’ll come back with brunch!” saeyoung says. saeran nods in acknowledgement, taking one final glance at the lovey-dovey couple, before he takes a step back into his room, and then attempts to return to the quiet of slumber.

* * *

 when the nightmare hits him it is dull; he can barely feel it wringing in his nerves. saeran tries his best to stay afloat. at some point he recognizes it’s just a dream, but he can’t seem to wake up from it. so he sinks in it.

sometimes he still sees the needles if he squints hard enough. when he runs his fingers through the back of his elbows he still knows where they have pierced him. when he closes his eyes he sees the bars, the cold basement floor. and there are always shackles. his mother used to tie him up. his savior would, too. so when he’s asleep, he always kicks. always tries to push away something holding him down; he’s just not sure what. and when he does, he can hear the clang of metal. grating; he wants silence. even in sleep he doesn’t get peace.

saeran kicks; and when he does, he jolts himself awake. his shirt is damp. his bangs stick to his forehead. it takes him a moment to realize that he’s hyperventilating, that he’s clutching the sheets so tightly his knuckles are white. he takes a deep breath and releases all the tension he’s holding. he unfocuses his eyes and stares at the gray ceiling, refocuses, unfocuses—

_miaow._

he flinches, shaken away from his reverie. did he just imagine that? or did he really hear a—

_miaow._

slowly, he sits up, throwing his legs over to the side of the bed. is he still dreaming? about a _cat?_ no, surely there should have been something. he didn’t know from where, but it’s somewhere, and—

_miaow!_

he hears the scurrying of feet. it sounds too small to be that of a full-grown cat’s. he’s heard elizabeth the 3rd when jumin brought her over. saeyoung wasn’t around then. he closes his eyes to focus on the sound of pattering and soft miaows, to try to pinpoint where it is.

but then it stops. the sound stops and saeran frowns, taking the clock on his bedside table and slamming it to the floor. shit. did he do that? shit. today he feels like a different person. your name is saeran, he reminds himself. saeran. saeran choi. you have a name, you are alive. sometimes he can hardly believe that something as simple as that is so hard to believe. it’s his birthday. but it’s not a good day. he stands up from his bed, heads to the kitchen to get the broom, and—

_miaow, miaow._

it’s louder now. he’s sure now that it’s real. maybe. hopefully. he heard it—from behind the couch? saeran doesn’t know why he’s tiptoeing towards it. one step, two step. but when he gets there, he realizes where the sound is coming from.

the vent.

“how the fuck did you get there?” he asks, loudly. he doesn’t get a miaow in response, so in his mind the cat is sniveling in guilt. the vents kept the bunker with circulating air; it connected from the house to the garage to—

_miaow…_

the kitten sounded in pain. what had happened to it? saeran pauses for a moment to contemplate what he can do. he’s too small to fit in the vent—and there’s a chance that if he intrudes, with a hand or a stick or _whatdoessaeyounghaveinthisbunkerofhisanyway,_ he might end up scaring the kitten deeper into the vents. great.

gingerly, he takes off the screen covering the vent; the sound echoes down the metal hallway. he hears the small footsteps again. is the kitten coming towards him? that would be helpful. he taps on the vent gently with his knuckles.

no response.

the vent goes straight on for about a meter before it turns sharply to the left; beyond that one meter of space, he can’t see into the vents. only saeyoung knows this bunker like the back of his hand; surely, no one else has blueprints on the ventilation system, and other ways they could sneak in. his brother is far too careful for that.

_miaow._

the kitten sounds just as far as it was earlier on.

“piece of shit, i’m trying to save you,” saeran hisses. he stops himself before he flings the screen across the room. he’s made enough of a mess today; he doesn’t want to be more of a burden. he growls. “you’re just a damn cat.”

he doesn’t need to save this kitten, he realizes. if he just goes back to his room and pretends to have been asleep the entire time, she and saeyoung will surely be home in no time, and they’ll figure out away to get it out. no big deal. this doesn’t have to be his problem.

_miaow._

“go away. they’ll save you. not me. _i_ can’t save you,” saeran grumbles.

he puts the screen back, dusts himself off, and retraces his steps back to his room. then he sees the shattered alarm clock—right. he has to clean that up. or else she’s going to be worrying herself over him having another fit while they were out.

_miaow._

when will the lovebirds be back? he wanders into the kitchen, trying to look for the broom. he’s sure she keeps it here—wait, no, not here. for the past year, with his hands more stable and his mind less fogged up, they’ve let him help with the house chores. sweeping, laundry, washing the plastic plates. saeran’s already used that broom once; he’s just not sure where it’s kept. he peers through spaces in between the fridge and the wall. no broom there. he opens cabinet after cabinet; he focuses on the sound of them creaking open so he doesn’t get distracted. the house is quiet now. but then he opens one, and its door rings with a jangle of keys.

saeyoung’s car keys. (he’s learned not to keep it behind the plate.) ten hooks, nine keys. each keychain has a miniature version of the sports car dangling on it. does saeyoung get confused with the number of cars he has? saeran returns his attention to the cabinet, tries to see if the broom is there when the small cylinder hanging from one of the keys gets his attention.

a laser pointer.

_or an actual laser,_ he corrects himself, knowing his brother, so he’s careful when he picks it up. small, metallic body. can fit in the palm of his hand. one small button that serves as a switch. hard to tell what kind of laser it is. there’s only one way to know. he points it at the floor and closes his eyes as he presses the button.

well, there’s no sound of sizzling at least.

he’s watched enough cat videos with saeyoung to know this is going to work. “cats are fucking dumb,” saeran’s said once, watching one try to grab the light with its paws. to no avail, of course. all cats of all sizes chase after the red dot like their lives depended on it. saeyoung laughed at him and said “that’s part of their charm~”. when did stupidity become a _charm_ of all things? (but then he remembers his brother is _engaged_ and surely that means it’s definitely an effective charm.)

if he flashes the laser down the vent, maybe the kitten will be close enough to see it. maybe it’ll follow the red dot, and find its way out to safety. then he’ll get the lovebirds to sort out how to take care of this pesky thing. saeyoung’s always wanted a cat, anyway.

he takes the car keys with him, feeling the weight of it on his palm. he’s been out to drives with the two of them, to the ocean, to the mountains. the world out there is beautiful; more beautiful than he had ever imagined it to be. ~~different from what his savior had told him.~~ he has to remind him that the only saviors he’s ever had are saeyoung and his girlfriend. but sometimes even if the outside world is beautiful, it overwhelms him. the sky is too bright, too blue, the horizon too wide. but it is so, so beautiful. maybe he should ask to come out for a drive again.

he crouches back in front of the vent, opens the screen covering and tries to listen for a sound. but there is none.

here goes nothing…

* * *

saeyoung has his hands full. with chips. he dumps them into the trolley while humming happy birthday under his breath. he also puts in a few bottles of soda—how _dare_ his family not like doctor pepper like he does!—before sneaking up behind her and bumping her butt with the end of the trolley softly.

“saeyoung!” she gasps. she has in her hands the tub of mint ice cream, and the dark chocolates saeran wanted. just as efficient as ever. she places it on the trolley before putting a kiss on his cheek. “i got us something to do for later today~”

he blinks. “are you telling this to me so i don’t foil another one of your plans?”

she laughs; it’s a laugh that fills the entire room, his entire being. it makes him feel light. “of course. here.”

she digs into her bag and shows him the blu-ray edition of his favorite movie. no more streaming! he can watch it over and over again! the grin on his face says it all.

“oh my gooood. babe.”

she chuckles. “yes, my little alien nerd?”

“i’m so glad i abducted you.”

saeyoung doesn’t care that he’s out in the grocery store, he presses a kiss right on her lips; enjoys the soft touch of her fingers against his cheek. when he steps back she’s bright pink, holding her hand against her mouth. but the ring on her finger only catches his attention. matching with his. bonded for life.

“thank you for letting me reset all of this,” he says.

“saey…” she starts. “please don’t get sappy over these chips…”

he laughs. “they can’t stop me,” he says. “not when the woman who let me start over from the beginning is here for me. for another year.”

“aren’t you glad we timed our engagement to your birthday with saeran~” she smiles. there’s that smile, that smile that saves him over and over again. the smile that got him through. saeran is a handful; he would not have survived without you by his side. he had been limping through his life the entire time, and so did saeran. but you were there for him. it doesn’t matter if saeyoung choi is invisible to the world like this—you’re there for him, and that is enough.

“i can’t wait to celebrate with saeran. let’s go home!”

* * *

 ten minutes. saeran’s back hurts. he’s lying on the floor, torso propped up by his elbow. he’s using the other hand to flick the laser pointer around but there hasn’t been any observable change since. he wonders if the cat can read the way he’s moving the laser pointer, spelling his name over and over again.

“if you have no plans to come out i’m going,” he says. he reminds himself he doesn’t need to save this cat; they’ll be home soon. they won’t know he’s been lying on the filthy floor like a barbarian to save a kitten that doesn’t want to pay attention to him. they don’t need to know. this kitten he tried to save won’t exist; only the kitten _they_ will save.

_miaow._

he hears it again. saeran’s flopped back-first onto the floor now. he groans.

“well, _miaow_ to you too,” he says. the way he imitated that sound was the ugliest thing he’d ever heard in his entire life, possibly. he catches himself chuckling; where had this dark humor come from? saeyoung, probably. only saeyoung depreciates himself through humor like that. something about becoming like his brother irks saeran, but also gives him comfort.

saeyoung used to say that they were each other. that they were the same person. like the same coin, but different sides.

maybe trying to save this kitten is something he got from his brother too.

_miaow._

it’s really there isn’t it? he can pretend it’s not there, but the kitten will be there. it’s going to haunt him, echoing in the vents.

“come out now, you piece of shit,” saeran says. he’s tired. he should have just gone back to his room. he sticks his hand back inside the vent and waves the laser pointer around. he’s too sure that even if the kitten does stumble into him, he won’t be able to save it. he hasn’t been able to save anything in his entire life. everything he touches withers into ash. rika. v. saeyoung. saeyoung’s fiancée. this kitten. himself.

he throws his other arm over his eyes; the ceiling light suddenly is too bright. he hears a steady buzzing sound inside his brain. did he really need to… to _miaow_ to get the cat’s attention? what had it been doing? sleeping?

he hears the padding of footsteps against the vent. at least it’s not stuck wherever it was earlier. he inhales through his nose and exhales through his mouth. when will the lovebirds be home? he’s scared of being alone with his thoughts. though he’ll never admit it.

the footsteps become faster. a steady thrum against the metal. probably found the light source, he figures. his mind starts to clear. and when he does, he hears it.

_miaow_.

he feels it. a little paw on his bright red hair.

he puts the laser pointer down gently on the vent, careful not to make too much of a rattle, before he takes his free hands to lift the kitten from over his head to over his chest. now face-to-face with the kitten that has been bothering him, he hisses at it cattily for all the trouble it had given him

“how the shit did you get up there, punk?”

_miaow._

the kitten looks straight at him; he wonders if it is grateful. it better be! it took him a damn hard time to get it and—

then he sees it.

the kitten’s eyes are a startling blue, colors that stand out against its white fur, but the left one is faded, and he’s sure this time that the cat can’t see well on that eye. maybe could see shapes, colors, but not in detail, that’s probably why it got lost, why it—

_miaow._

—found its way down that dark hallway, he knows that look, knows that half-blind stare, v, his name was v, saeyoung saw in him a father they’d never had, saeyoung looked at that man and the father that never existed for him was there, and saeran took it all away, _jihyun,_ he doesn’t exist now, saeran can remember the look on the man’s face before he crumpled to the ground and—

“ _please say ‘i am not bread’ in arabic.”_

shit. that was the door.

saeran is fast to his feet, picking himself up from the floor and dashing straight to his room. he doesn’t even realize the kitten is still in his hand until he’s slammed his door closed with only one; he makes it inside just in time as the main door opens wide.

“saeraaaaan~” saeyoung singsongs. shit. saeran left the vent open, and the cabinet with the car keys, and the _car key_ —

“why are you back so fast? it hasn’t been an hour!” saeran shouts through the door. the kitten whines at the loudness.

“it’s already been two hours, saeran!” she answers in his stead. “you must’ve been sleeping.”

_miaow._

“shut up!” saeran hushes it softly, under his breath. two blue eyes—he’s so scared. saeran doesn’t understand why he’s so scared.

but his silence only caught the attention of his brother. saeyoung sing-songs, “oho, did we catch you do something naughty?”

“i’m not a pervert like you!” saeran says, before dashing from leaning against his door to his dresser. he flings it open and places the cat on top of a shirt—shit, that was black, it’s going to be white by the time he gets that kitten out. nevermind. he slams the doors shut. he rests his back against the closed doors, breathing deeply.

he hears her talking. “saeyoung drove as fast as he could. he said he didn’t want to keep you waiting. i’m pretty sure we broke a law or two.” she knocks against his door, soft rapping of knuckles. “c’mon out, we have food.”

then there’s a louder knocking; firmer. saeyoung, this time. “saeraaaaan, open up, your ice cream is going to melt.”

the kitten yelps at the sound of the door being knocked on. it whines, meows.

“miaow to you too, now shut up,” saeran tries to hush it again.

“knock knock—” saeyoung starts, and then pauses. _shit._ “it’s not locked! saeran, i’m coming in—”

_shit shit shit shit_

that’s it. that’s the breaking point. saeran curls himself up into a ball, arms around his knees, head down. saeyoung finds him like that, crying, murmuring “sorry, sorry, sorry,” to himself. saeyoung is next to him in a flash, arms tentatively wrapped around his shoulders. careful not to overwhelm.

“saeran. saeran what’s happening? saeran.”

“go away!” is all saeran can muster out.

“does your head still hurt? we—we got pain medication, we can—”

“i’m going to kill it!” saeran chokes out. “i don’t want to kill it!”

saeyoung stills. “kill—kill what?”

and then he hears it.

_miaow._

saeran lets out a choked gargle.

“saeran—is that—”

“a cat, a cat, i saved it, i didn’t—no, i didn’t save it, it—”

they don’t notice her entering the room, face contorted into worry. saeran knows he always makes them feel miserable. it’s probably his specialty at this point. she says something to saeyoung, and saeran hears the words clock, vent, keys, light, but he doesn’t want to.

he shoves his brother off of him, but she catches him. stills him. she rubs soft circles on his shoulder, counts backwards from ten to one.

saeran takes a deep breath. he doesn’t know where it’s from but saeyoung produces a glass of water. he gladly takes it. feels the cool go from his mouth down his throat to his empty stomach. when he looks up, she’s smiling at him.

god, can she stop smiling at him like he’s done nothing wrong. he’s done so much wrong.

“can we open the dresser, saeran?”

saeran swallows. nestles in that tiny moment where that’s the only sound that rings in his head. then he turns, facing his dresser.

he pauses, rests his head against the doors.

“i got scared,” he admits. the words fail him; he stumbles in between each new sentence. “i didn’t—i didn’t want to keep it locked in—i just—i could have killed it, i—”

saeyoung presses his cheek against saeran’s shoulder. “you won’t. you’re not a killer.”

_killer?_

saeran sobs.

“i’m so sorry.”

she rubs his lower back gently. “you’ve long, long been forgiven.”

saeran opens the door. the kitten is there, in a little ball, hiding itself as much as it can. the first thing he sees is its eyes. but this time, saeran is not as scared. he reaches out for the kitten; it approaches him slowly. he takes the cat out cradled in his arms.

saeyoung doesn’t bother to hide the excitement in his eyes. “is that—is that, a kitty?” his fiancée chuckles at his fervent reaction. she can see the heart eyes already. “best! birthday gift! ever!” saeyoung says, running across the room jumping. she, of course, joins him to high five.

saeran just observes the little kitten; they consider each other for a while before the kitten rubs its face against him. saeran can’t help the little smile.

saeyoung crouches back in front of him. “looks like a ragdoll,” he says. “she’s going to be huge! oh my god!”

“like your stupidity,” saeran snorts.

she chuckles. “yeah, this kitty is going to be too big for you to fling around, saey.”

the accused cat-abuser pouts. “why are you two ganging up on me!!!”

she and saeran laughs, before they all settle together next to saeran to observe the little kitten. she’s pressing her head against saeran’s hand, wanting to be pet.

“she’s as white as elly~ prettier than elly~ i’m so happy~” saeyoung hums. she chuckles at the much-expected reaction from saeyoung.

“she looks like a miniature,” she adds. “where did you find her?”

saeran shrugs. “i heard a sound. i just followed it.”

she smiles at the unexpected honesty and gentleness. and saeran knows. he flushes red. “i’m glad you did.” she reaches out a hand to pet the kitten; scratching behind the ear. the kitten purrs at the soft touch. “hello,” she murmurs. “think you’re lost, little buddy?”

the thought of the kitten simply being lost drains the color out of saeran’s face. “lost?” he murmurs. this kitten could have had a home from the start. that’s right. maybe it had some place to return to. if he was selfish—he could take the kitten. he could keep her nestled against him, away from the warmth of mother’s nourishing milk and nestling blankets. his mind starts to spin.

“she could be microchipped,” saeyoung adds before standing up. “i think i still have that reader the agency gave me—i’ll go get it!”

when saeyoung leaves, saeran shakes. it’s true. she could have been from town. they live away from the city, but—it’s not impossible. saeyoung’s cars have a lot of hiding space in them, the kitten could have found its way there, because it’s warm, and then made its way into the vent… saeran isn’t going to lie, he doesn’t want to know he doesn’t want to find out he doesn’t want to—

he thrusts the kitten into her arms.

“give her back give her back give her back give her back give her back give her—”

“saeran,” saeyoung calls out. “saeran, listen for a sec.”

“no!” saeran says. he doesn’t hear the beep; doesn’t hear the little gadget in saeyoung’s hand. there’s a microchip he’s sure. and they’ll find the kitten’s home, it’s family, everything else but him has family. “i don’t want to!” saeran shouts. “i don’t want it! give it back! give it back give it back!”

saeyoung embraces his brother, and she does the same. saeran doesn’t realize there are tears flowing down his eyes until that moment.

“give her back,” saeran weakly says between hiccups. “she shouldn’t be here. i shouldn’t be here. we don’t belong here.”

“there is no place for her to be given back to,” saeyoung says. “this is her home now. this is _your_ home now.”

then it becomes clear. the microchip reader. there’s no microchip. he settles in their presence. the kitten pressing its head against his thigh. him. saeyoung. her. they’re all home.

“this is home now,” saeyoung says again. his voice is soft in that way saeran used to hate, that, ‘forgive me, i have hurt you, i am so sorry,’ tone. but now saeran can hear that it’s really just filled with love. love that had never found its way to him for the longest time.

saeran has so much to learn, like trusting, and love, and so much to apologize for. he is so thankful they are there.

“it may have taken us the longest time to get to you, but we’re here now,” she whispers. they finish each other’s sentences; it doesn’t make saeran jealous. it makes him feel safe. “we’ve always been here. and we’ll always be here for you.”

* * *

schrodinger was wrong, saeran realizes. sometimes there are things you don’t see. but they’re real. they’re all real. trees fall in the middle of the forest and make a bang. _you_ don’t hear it, but the wind does. the sky does. it’s there. it’s there.

saeran is home. saeran is there.

* * *

after cakes and birthday presents, the three of them settle into watching movies together, something saeran appreciates for the silence and the comfort of mere presence. not that saeyoung can keep quiet when interstellar is playing. but he’s still now,

_love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space—_

“what should we name her?” she asks saeran. his gentle hands keep the little furbaby warm. the kitten—which they’ve found out to be a girl—sleeps on his lap quietly.

the younger twin murmurs the name so softly under his lips; like he revered it, like if he said the name too loudly he could break it. saeyoung hears the sound but not the word; she and saeyoung share a small confused look before turning back to saeran.

at that moment, the little kitten rolls over in its sleep, belly-up at the soft-eyed saeran.

“ _haneul,_ ” saeran says again, stronger now. the kitten meows in response. “like the _sky._ ”

bright, blue, warmed by the sun, and everlasting.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to scream at me on tumblr [@iisabelline](http://iisabelline.tumblr.com/)  
> pls dont bash my lame philosophy understanding i just wanted to throw around an outline for this fic i love them too much thank you very much  
> comments are much appreciated!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> [[reblog/read this on tumblr]](http://rokutouxei.tumblr.com/post/161685333157/schrodinger-was-wrong)


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